The Brain’s Love Language

by Juliene Barcoma

Have you ever felt that funny, warm feeling in your chest when somebody seems to have caught your attention? When you start to pay more mind to them, their mannerisms, and every little thing they do?

To be fair, maybe it is that excitement we get from looking forward to someone’s presence. 

Maybe it’s simply curiosity.

However, you may be surprised to find that our ‘feel-good hormones’ actually play the bigger role here.

Why does this happen?

The brain is like a network. It constantly filters information—in other words, it undergoes a process called selective attention.

This happens when, during interactions with others, we tend to shift our main focus on something that interests us the most. Oftentimes, we don’t actually notice when our brains tend to shine the spotlight on one subject.

Selective attention exercises a specific brain stimuli, allowing us to focus on a subject that we find more important over the ones we find less relevant, hence why we have the ability to prioritize tasks or conversations in our day to day lives.

Instead of having all these thoughts overstimulating our brain, we tend to remember what matters the most in the moment. One thing at a time.

Similarly, when we like somebody—whether romantically or not—we become more intrigued with their words and behavior rather than with people whom we don’t relate to as much, as the brain undergoes this process and the happy hormones come into play.

The ‘feel-good’ hormones

The brain produces several hormones, some of which are called happy or feel-good neurotransmitters.

Attraction to something or someone triggers the release of neurotransmitters like Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Endorphins—all of which explain why we tend to get more engaged with people we like, and why we get more curious about them.

How they all work together

Dopamine’s significant role in the brain’s reward system is fueling a rush of energy after an encounter that feels good, making us seek for more. It is the central part that drives us towards interactions that produce a pleasant feeling.

On the other hand, Serotonin works to balance our mood and serves as the steady foundation that grounds our emotions.

Oxytocin, or the ‘bonding hormone’, stimulates the feeling of connection, especially when having a strong social or emotional bond with someone else.

Lastly, Endorphins—like all the others combined, they act as ‘natural pain relievers’ that help to maintain connections. Endorphins produce feelings of contentment and relaxation that motivate us to prolong relationships with one another.

What would happen without these ‘happy hormones’?

You can probably already imagine what it’d be like without these ‘happy hormones’. That rush of excitement, the warmth we feel, the curiosity that comes with interest—those factors might slowly lose their spark.

Our world would be duller, and our interactions would lack the emotions that make us feel content and safe, and encounters with others may start feeling like a chore.

Words would lack their genuinity, and actions wouldn’t be as ‘affectionate’.

So, what is the brain’s love language?

It’s the silent harmony of all these neurotransmitters working together to produce beautiful emotions that allow us to cherish the things most important to us. It’s the magic of these hormones that reflect their different functions onto our daily lives.

Through these, we get to experience intimate moments, deep conversations, and giving importance to little details we notice about the person that has our attention.

So going back, it really isn’t just about curiosity or excitement of seeing a crush or a best friend. 

It’s the hormones at work, translating the brain’s reward system through how we experience bonds firsthand.